I Have a Friend I've Never Met Named Nolan

Originally written and posted on Facebook Wednesday, December 9th, 2009. Nolan's name and the details have been changed here, for obvious reasons

Facebook can be a strange microcosm of real life, with so many crossroads and intersections.

I have Facebook "friends" I've never met, people who found me through a "mutual friend," who may have heard my music and liked a song, or who have just signed up for friendship to stay in touch with their people. Reasons vary, but in this digital world, we often are "friends" with strangers. I meet Facebook friends at my concerts, and we enjoy the immediacy of the bond the internet provides. We are a community, and communities share things, all things, with each other.

At any rate, I occasionally find myself stumbling into the lives of others after their response to a mutual friend has made me smile, or wince. Their Facebook page – like mine, like yours – exposes who we are in slices. Pictures, status updates, and our friends (the company we keep) can say a lot about a person, including comments and replies which are often meaningful signposts and insights into the human condition.

Although we've never met, a man from Kentucky named Nolan is a friend of mine. And after only a few minutes this morning, I feel like I've known him for a very long time. But most importantly, without ever meeting, Nolan taught me something very important. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

After reading Nolan's witty, but sad comment on the wall of a mutual friend, he piqued my interest, and I hopped over to his page. His picture looked familiar, so I wanted to see if maybe our paths had crossed.

Now, as a Facebook user yourself, this story likely makes you feel vulnerable, and that's understandable. Friendship of any kind can be a very vulnerable thing. And just so you know, I don't do this every day, just jump into someone's life like I'm going through their drawers and closets. ha. But as a storyteller and songwriter, I am a naturally curious observer of people. Every person is a living, breathing story, most often an amazing one, with beauty, light, sadness and darkness all rolled up into one heart, one soul. I love people. I love stories. To me, it's all the same thing.

Now, with Facebook, the most recent posts are placed at the top of the page as you know, so if you read and scroll down, you will get a "rewind" experience, almost as if watching a movie backwards, the movie of someone's life over the last several days or weeks. This was my experience this morning.

Nolan's relationship status resolutely states that he is married. His status picture is a lovely duet of himself and his beautiful wife smiling in happy times..

His posts were short at the top of his page, with friends replying that he was in their prayers, to call if he needed them.

Scrolling down, there was nothing, a long break, with friends posting comments on his wall like "Hey buddy, haven't heard from you in a while. What's going on?" Some of the comments were like this: "Even though we haven't met (in person), I feel like I've known you all my life. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time."

Then more. The posts were dense, with replies like "Ditto, my friend. Take care of yourself. I'm praying for you."

Then, the horrible post in lower case letters with no punctuation, announcing the funeral services of his wife, followed by streams of support and comfort, replies by friends that they'll be there, that he is in their thoughts.

Then, scrolling further down the page, several struggling requests that his friends keep her in their prayers, saying helplessly that, "We are holding on, but we need a miracle."

My guilt-laden perusal through someone's life was interrupted by a phone call. It was my wife. She had news about something pressing, something important, the details of which I can't recall anymore. I stopped her and told her I loved her, that I appreciated her for putting up with me. In her usual nonplussed way, she tried to brush away the moment, but I wouldn't let her. She asked what prompted me to say this. I paused and said, "Let's just say a friend got me thinking."

Thanks, Nolan. My thoughts and prayers are with you too.